jokes and sms by manish bhandari

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way. 

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way. 

A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell.

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.'
The doctor says, 'It's old age.'
The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.'
The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.  

A girl can wait for the right man to come along, but in the meantime that still doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones.

Giving up smoking is easy...I've done it hundreds of times.

In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend.

I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?

My wife had a go at me last night. She said, "You'll drive me to my grave." I had the car out in thirty seconds.